INVITATION ETIQUETTE

Invitation "Etiquette" can be a challenge for today's bride. With the rise of the "e-invitation", wedding websites, colored bridal gowns, and google for everything, many brides are questioning what they can and can't add to their wedding invitation. At With Your Touch Invitations, our thought is this: when it comes to your wedding or special event, you're in charge. It's entirely up to you whether or not you want to follow traditional rules when planning your event. Using the Tradition style as a guideline is important, However if there is information you would like to give your guest, then that is ultimately your decision.

NO GIFTS PLEASE!
Here are a few samples of wording for brides who would like to specify. A few brides have asked "what if we just want cash??" in that case substitute the folloiwng verses with "envelope gift" where it states "gift registry"
Traditional Gift Registry*
Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all.
However should you wish to help us celebrate with a gift, we have registered a gift list with {Registry Name}.
We hope that this registry will make it more convenient for you to select something that you know we will love.

Gift Registry/Honeymoon Registry
Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However should you wish to honour us with a gift, we have registered a honeymoon registry at {Registry Name},
where you can make a contribution to help us make a honeymoon memory that will last a lifetime

Wishing Well

More than just kisses so far we?ve shared,
Our home has been made with Love and Care,
Most things we need we?ve already got,
And in our home we can?t fit a lot!
A donation to our wishing well would be great,
But only if you wish to participate.


DANCE ONLY
Many brides are wondering how to properly word a small invite to their friends that will only be attending the dance:

Name
and
Name

will be married in a private ceremony
on date
time

please join them for their wedding dance celebration
at location
9:00pm


NO CHILDREN ALLOWED

Many brides are wondering how to politely word that they would prefer their guests to leave the kids at home:

Please join us at location for an
adult only reception
cocktails will begin at 5:30pm


ENVELOPE ADDRESSING

TITLES
Everyone has a title. In the case of such titles as, Mr., Mrs., Ms., and Dr., abbreviations can and should be used. Use Mr., Mrs., Ms. accordingly. In the case of judges (Honorable), the clergy (Reverend, Rabbi, etc.), political figures (Governor, Mayor, etc.), and those in the military (Lieutenant, General, etc.), we strongly suggest using the full title but abbreviations are also accepted for these (Sen. John Doe, Hon. John Doe, Prof. John Doe, and Brig. Gen. John Doe). The word "and" should be spelled out unless you are using a calligraphy script that contains a lovely flourished ampersand (&).
Married couples should be addressed as Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. Should the wife have retained her single name after marriage or if she uses a hyphenated last name the address should read *Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Smith *or *Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Smith-Doe.*
Use a comma before Sr. or Jr. as *Mr. John Doe, Jr. * Never use a comma before II, III. The name should read *Mr. John Doe III*.
Always spell out Reverend and Honorable when preceded by "The" as in *The Reverend John Doe* or *The Reverend Father John Doe*. Abbreviate Rev. and Hon. when used with a persons FULL name as *Hon. John Doe.* Never use The Rev. Doe or Rev. Doe. Spell out Rabbi as in *Rabbi David Mark Feldman*. The inside envelopes may be less formal by using *Father John* or *Rabbi Feldman*.
When both husband and wife are identically degreed, use *Drs. John and Jane Doe* or *The Doctors Doe*. In the case of a married couple and the wife is a doctor the title should read *Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe*. If the husband is the doctor, the correct title would be *Dr. and Mrs. John Doe*.
In a dual title, use *Reverend Dr. John Doe *or *Rev. Dr. John Doe* or *Rev. Dr. Doe*. On the inside envelope, use only Reverend Doe, omitting the Dr. title.
A final word on Titles, if you are having an informal affair it is perfectly acceptable to omit the titles all together and just use first names, such as *John and Jane Doe*. This little tidbit of advice appeared in Martha Stewarts "Weddings" magazine so, depending if Martha Stewart is your 'cup-of-tea' or not, it is entirely up to you which method you prefer.

UNMARRIED COUPLES LIVING TOGETHER
Unmarried couples, living together can be written as *Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith *on one line. Or, the "and" may be omitted by placing the second name on a separate line. The person with the closest relationship to the sender should appear first. If both persons have an equal relationship to the sender the names should be placed alphabetically by last name.
CHILDREN
The names of children may be omitted from the outside envelope if an inner envelope is used, where you would list individual children's names or add "and Family". If no inner envelope is being used, you can use the second line of the address on the outer envelope for children's names. Do not use "and Family" if an inner envelope is not being used.
It is not necessary to use titles for the children's names and they may read *John, Jr. and Jennifer Jones* on the second line. If titles are used for children, boys should be addressed either as Mr. or Master, girls addressed as Miss (do not use a period after the title of Miss, it is not an abbreviation).
Multiple sons may be addressed as Messrs. (*Messrs. Peter and Paul Doe*). Multiple daughters may be addressed as Misses (*Misses Susan and Shelia Doe*).
Names of children should appear in the order of their ages, the oldest first. Children of guests that are eighteen years of age or older should receive separately addressed invitations.
SINGLES / WIDOWED
In the case of single females, a good rule of thumb is to use Miss for those under the age of 18 and they have never been married. Use Ms. for those who are 18 or over or are divorced or separated. Mrs. is used for those who are widowed, you may use their own first name or their husbands first name name along with her married last name, but the best rule of thumb is to try and use what the individual prefers to be called. In some circles it is preferable for a widow to use her maiden name in place of her first name and then her married name as in *Mrs. Smith Doe.* In the case of those who are divorced use their own first name, not the former husband's first name even though they retain their married last name, such as *Mrs. Jane Doe* or *Ms. Jane Doe*.
You may wish to extend an invitation to a single guest to bring a guest of their own. Whether you choose to or not is entirely up to you, but outside envelopes should not say "and Guest". This should be printed on the inside envelope. Should no inside envelope be used, and you know that a particular single guest would like to bring someone, it is advisable to take the time to find out the guest's name.
INSIDE ENVELOPES
The guest name is placed in the center of the face side of the inner envelope. It should be written as either "*Mr. and Mrs. Jones*" or "*Mr. and Mrs. Jones, Jack and Jill*" (unlike the outer or mailing envelope which would be "Mr. and Mrs. Jack Jones"). It is also acceptable to use family or first names on the inside envelopes in cases where the recipients are close friends or family (i.e. *Uncle Bob and Aunt Alice, or Jennifer and Ken*.) Do not include the address on the inner envelope. If you are inviting children, their names should appear on the inner envelope only and in the order of their ages, the oldest first. The way you write the guest's name on the inner envelope generally indicates your preference for the number of people in that guest's party. If you want to invite the children, put their names on the inner envelope. Do not write "and family" on the outer envelope. If your guests have children and their names are not on the inner envelope, it should be understood that they are not invited. Regarding certain titles, such as members of the clergy or military ranks, see the above "Titles" section on how to handle the inside envelope.
Singles
In the case of a single person where you are inviting them to bring a guest, the inside envelope may say "*Mary Jane and Guest*" or "*Mary Jane and Escort*". If you know the name of the person's guest, it is nicer to use that, it makes people feel more welcome to see their name in print. Two single persons that reside together should be addressed *"James Jones and Jane Smith" *or *"James and Jane",* the person with the closest relationship to the sender should appear first. If both persons have an equal relationship to the sender the names should be placed alphabetically.
No Inside Envelope Used
If you are not using an inner envelope, the way you write the guest's name on the outer envelope generally indicates your preference for the number of people in that guest's party. For example, "*Mr. and Mrs. Jack Jones*" means husband and wife but no children. Do not address the outer envelope as "Mr. and Mrs. Jack Jones and Family. If you are not using an inner envelope, the outer envelope should include individual names. (i.e., "*Mr. and Mrs. Jack Jones*" on the first line and "*Melanie and Michael Jones"* or "*Miss Melanie and Mr. Michael Jones"* or *"Messrs. John and James Jones"* on the second.) their names should appear in the order of their ages, the oldest first.

MAILING
WHEN TO MAIL
Four to six weeks _before the event_ (not the RSVP date) is the general rule for mailing your invitations to ensure your guests receive their invitations and are able to respond with sufficient time. If you have guests traveling from out of town or if a holiday falls in between the mailing date and your event date, invitations should be mailed 6-8 weeks prior. The RSVP date should be one or two weeks prior to when you must notify your caterer of a head count.
Prior to shipping all of your invitations, consider putting a complete assembly together and having it weighed and sized at the post office to determine proper postage. Do not forget to place a stamp on the Response Card envelope before sealing the outer envelope. Large size invitations require extra postage, as well as invitations being sent out of the country. It is best to check with your postal service to determine the correct charges before mailing. It is terribly frustrating and costly to have a beautifully addressed invitation returned to you just because it did not have the correct postage.